ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
