i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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