There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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