woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
