Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
