im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
