Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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