I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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