Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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