I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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