he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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