meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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