So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
