I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
