I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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