i would punch a child for taco bell
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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