I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
