ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
