I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
