we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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