the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
