we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
