So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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