dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
