I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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