guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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