I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
