I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
