loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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