it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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