am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
