Barsexuality is the new black.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
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Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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