Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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