I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
