that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There's a naked man in my car right now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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