It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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