You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
