bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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