I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you inspire me to be a worse person
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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