I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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