I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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