I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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