Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
