I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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