You just made me feel so damn special
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
