Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
