let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
