my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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