If i come over, it means nothing
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
