How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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