She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
did you just send me my own nude
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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