This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
