so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
