I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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