I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
