I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
