And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize