we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
