What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
