What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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