his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
