Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
