apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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