You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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